


and maybe it is worth it, after all

by thecharoite



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album)
Genre: Bad Poetry, Electrocution, Gen, I will add tags as I write, Introspection, Non-Consensual Electroconvulsive Therapy, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, ghoul considers, ghoul gets fuckd up, i love her but there is so much i want to say, just. thoughts., lmao the tags are a shitpost but the fic is a mess, not updated daily!!! im just Like That sometimes, party and the girl are only mentioned briefly, shitty poetry, the girl actually appears and she scares me sometimes, the girl knows(knew?) a lot more about the witch then she let on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-02-18 12:43:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18699844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecharoite/pseuds/thecharoite
Summary: ghoul sits on the hood of the trans am, sometimes.always early, always late, when the others are asleep.he bites his lip and listens for Her.





	1. it is always sunny

the city is sunny again today, he decides.  
it is true; delicate candy-clouds of purple and green cluster in the horizon, calming in the early morning light.  
they are not friendly clouds.  
ghoul presses the tips of his fingers into his palm, nails leaving little crescents on the skin there.  
it is a sensation, a feeling, a sense. something worms its way out of the back of his mind, something important, and he stops to listen.  
it is silent. there is no sound of engines- no, it is too early for that. there is no sand shifting in the wind, not now, never again.  
he bites his lip carefully, quickly, soaking in the sharp burst of feeling as he strains.  
then, the sound of gentle footsteps. he smiles slightly.  
truly, She does not need to walk, but She does, just for him.  
hello, he says.  
She says nothing, and he understands.  
you are closer now, he says, something is happening. isn't it?  
She says nothing.  
thank you for coming back, he says.  
something brushes against his shoulder, and She is gone.  
he goes back inside.

(when poison opens the door later that morning, there is a little girl standing there)


	2. one million seven, one million nine, three million

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it is too dark for the world to be fair

it has not been cloudy for two weeks.   
ghoul counts the stars every night.   
they change every night, never the same, never familiar.   
they have had the girl for two weeks.  
her hair bunches like a cloud and she smiles like the sun that blazes in the sky.   
(he tiptoes around her every day, always unsure, never familiar.)  
he blows out another puff of smoke, watching it dissolve into the deep night sky.   
the metal of the car is cool against his back.   
She does not come that night.   
that is okay, he reasons, because he did not need Her anyway.   
it is not as if She was real.  
he starts counting the stars again, tracing the odd shapes with his fingertips.   
he hears footsteps. he doesn’t look up.   
there is a scuffling noise as something moves beside him.   
he does not look up.   
hello, the girl says

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (and for some reason he is sure her eyes are hollow)
> 
>  
> 
> this was hard to write, wasn’t really feeling motivated, but. i read a bunch of those fun gothic posts off tumblr (old church gothic, high school gothic, library gothic etc) and wanted to do something a little like that.   
> i’m fairly certain that’s my entire writing style when i go for lowercase


	3. comets, almost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whatever is the point of greetings

hello, she says, and hello becomes much more than hello.   
the air around her shifts as the stars glimmer at her in response, and she smiles.   
(her smiles are like sunbeams, thinks ghoul, and it makes him almost sad)  
who are you? she asks, and ghoul is not sure if she is talking to him or to the Sand.   
(he is almost certain that she is addressing them both.)  
they listen to the sand together, listening to the hum of the blood offered there.   
he is amazed, thoughts darting before his eyes, and magic ebbs and flows through Her.   
my lady, he says.   
no, says the girl.   
she smiles oddly, and the look in her eyes is older than time, older than the desert she resides in.   
it is coming soon, She says, and then she is gone.   
the girl closes her eyes and lets go of the spirit.   
ghoul stares after her as she walks away.   
he looks back up and starts to count the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i lied here’s some the girl dialogue because yes


	4. never the future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my muscles are sore and my body aches

he sat watch again for the third night in a row.   
it was okay, really, he understood. the others were tired(he was tired).  
he fiddled with the fifth bomb he had made that evening. jet would like it. that was what was important.   
his eyes slipped close for a moment, the darkness calming.   
his eyes opened to the sight of glorious morning rays.   
he frowned at himself. party would flay him alive. kobra was not back from his supply run.   
the smell of latex filled the air, and he grimaced.   
bad news, then.   
he cocked his gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> past tense


	5. because everyone burns sometimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and some days he wonders if it was worth it after all

he used to bite his fingernails.  
down into tiny stubs of pink, teeth scratching against the sensitive skin once shielded.  
another long day behind the wheel and he would bring his fingers to his lips, gnawing at the tough bit of keratin,  
and the others would groan about getting saliva on the car,  
and the girl would giggle and ask why  
and he would smile around his ring finger and shrug.  
it hurt when he grabbed things in a rush, sensitive skin getting scratched and bloody against anything it could  
and poison took one look at his hand and told him to stop.  
he did, eventually.

but it was hard, sometimes.  
he gazed up at the blazing sun, sharp colors bursting against his eyes  
and jet complained that he was burning his eyes out  
and he fixed his gaze to the stained desert sand.

he closed his eyes, back flush to the front seat.  
there was something in the air again, something icy and furious, and it crawled under his skin.  
he stopped, listened.  
then, tentatively, he bit at his fingernail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hm. don't like this one very much, but since when did i ever like my writing haha


	6. if there’s no such thing as forever

he was... dead.   
he wasn’t breathing.   
death was final. no return. 

 

except

 

“fun ghoul”

he knew that voice

“fun ghoul”

how did he know that voice?

“FUN GHOUL”

he was....

alive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because if there’s is no point in living what will you find in death


	7. acid pouring down your throat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHE IS BACK

whitewhitewhiteIT'STOOWHITE

 

the air is cold tonight

today?

what time is it

 

his head is spinning

cotton pours out of his ears like the blood

blood.

he is... bleeding?

he cannot see the blood.  
all he can see is white-blank-clean-WHITE

the door slides open (door? where did it come from)  
'hello, exterminator 0163'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hm backstory
> 
> discocritic i blame you for the surge of inspiration


	8. take one last look

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> b r e a t h e

he is not scared (he is terrified)  
electricity courses through his veins

'what is your name'

'fun ghoul'

she presses the button and he screams

'what is your name'

'fun ghoul'

she presses the button and he screams

'what is your name'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> death before compliance


	9. do you miss the sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> red soaks through the floor

his body aches when she leaves  
and he whimpers into the dark of his room

there is a hand on his shoulder

'please' he begs Her

a mist rolls through the room.

"THREE DAYS" SHE BOOMS

'please' he says again

he is alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when did i switch to present tense what am i doing


	10. out of my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> because some days ringing bells are silent

light stabs through his eyes, puncturing his brain

‘three days,’ She had said

had it been three days?  
it must’ve been.

‘where are you’ he moans, letting his pain leak into his words

She does not respond (he didn’t think She would),  
except  
except this time it was different

because for the first time, he wonders if She is real after all

pain shoots through the side of his face and he squeezes his eyes shut until he can see color again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> carry me home


	11. helium veins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> even angels fall from heaven

the world was hazy white. 

the world was slow, slow hours and silence. 

(the world was electrocution and body bags-)

the world was ignoring the voices

was ignoring 

was

he reached out to the hazy white, grasped it firm

and sliced through the fog

(the world is color and running)


	12. kiss the color of your eyelids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the sand shifts

the worst part about waking up is the sore throat.  
(his eyes open and he can almost swear he is out in the sands)  
it feels like there is no liquid left in his body. it feels like he is floating.

there is something by his ear. he does not turn his head.  
something brushes the side of his face, and he allows himself to focus.

'hello,' whispers the sand

**Author's Note:**

> hope this is okay, constructive crit welcome.
> 
> i may continue this and have ghoul mention other characters, but it will mostly focus on ghoul.


End file.
